Have you ever gotten news that stopped you in your tracks and made you feel like a failure? News that made you ashamed and scared to share your story?
"You have hypothyroidism."
Those were the words that shook my world a couple of months ago. And I have wrestled with whether to share publicly, and if so, how to do so since that day.
In a 6 month span, I had gained around 10-12 pounds. I was frustrated, defeated, and a little angry. The things that usually worked for me weren't working, and I was TIRED!
How could I have hypothyroidism? I eat clean, I work out diligently, I drink over 70 super foods daily that are proven to nourish and heal the thyroid and promote hormonal health! And how can I share my truth with the people who watch what I do, the people who come to me for help with THEIR health?
I'm so thankful that one of my most beloved friends listened to me speak my fears, my shame, and my doubt, and responded with this…
"Brandy, if you HADN'T been doing what you are doing, then that 10 pound weight gain probably would have been 30. Your story is YOUR story, and you should NEVER be ashamed of it!" Her words gave me hope. They gave me courage.
You see, my thyroid issues come from a condition known as Hashimotos Thyroiditis, an autoimmune disease that causes your immune system to turn on your own healthy tissue. And of course, this isn't the first time my body has malfunctioned and attacked itself. That's what happened to my pancreas in 1984 when my immune system decided to shut down my insulin producing beta cells and throw me into a lifelong battle with Type 1 Diabetes at the tender age of 2.
What I had to realize is that this was not my fault. And that sometimes, no matter how healthy you eat, or how much you work out, you still need extra help. That was the hardest thing to accept, because I tend to blame myself for everything.
So…here I am. Sharing. Being brave. Punching fear in the face. And doing a seemingly backwards #TransformationTuesday post. But you know what? The truth is that my being willing to post these pictures, to share my setbacks, and just be REAL, is the most meaningful transformation of all.
2 or 3 years ago I would have NEVER done this! I didn't let people see me struggle. I never admitted to failure. I wouldn't let myself be seen as weak. I thought I was being strong, but I really wasn't. I was keeping people out…holding them at arms length so they wouldn't see the "real" me…the flawed one…the one that needs help…the one that doesn't have it all together. Because I didn't love that girl…and I didn't believe anyone else would either.
I was drowning. Lonely. Anxious. Fearful. And lost.
But I'm not anymore. Some days I may still feel like I am, but I'm finding myself. And I'm learning to like, even love, what I find.
So, please, if you comment, be kind. It took a lot of courage for me to share this "lack of progress" picture with you. smile emoticon The picture on the left is me right after I finished my first round of Insanity Max30 last February. The one on the right is today. My abs are gone, my shorts are tight, and my muscles lack definition. Not exactly the "before and after" I was going for. wink emoticon
I'm not anywhere close to where I want to be. But I'm going to keep working, keep pushing, keep moving forward. Even if the progress is slower than I'd like or than I'm used to.
That's all any of us can do, isn't it?
Begin. And continue. Never stop. And NEVER give up.
I encourage you to join me, whether you need to begin, keep going, or finish the race.